Sunday, October 27, 2013

FUME

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to announce and introduce to you the latest model of our novelty FUME product line. A versatile cleaning agent which is certainly not biologically degradable, so it can remain in the top soil for decades or even centu..."
"Sorry to interrupt you, sir. How did you say? What kinda product line?"
"FUME."
"Hewn?"
"No, FUME."
"Fuel?"
"No, no! FUME. Like fume."
"Ain't heard of it."
"Sure?"
"Sure."
"But everybody uses it..."
"I certainly don't."
"Of course you do. Perhaps you just don't know you do."
"Well, cleaning agents are up for my wife to buy..."
"You see? Does your wife buy a hell lot of brands?"
"Why, yes. Come to think of it..."
"Then you can be sure that you have some FUME products under your wash basin." 
"But I'm certain I haven't heard of this thing... Pretty strange name for cleaning agents!"
"It's not a name, it's initials."
"Really? What do they stand for?"
"Fuck - Up - Mother - Earth."

Friday, July 26, 2013

Positronic interpretations

"Without you I would die" - we heard the pop-star sing with utmost grief, from speakers deliberately set up all over the building, an effort of the builders so that you won't miss a note or even a word, should you even get lost in the maze. It's one thing to hear these ultimate masterpieces of the worst crap of the world and most senseless examples of stupidity while you spend your otherwise much more usefully spendable time with shopping - a necessary but unavoidable act of everyday life, - and another thing to have a robot with you, equipped with a brain made of positronic pathways, that act electronically like a complex set of switches wired together, to make the "positively charged electrons" flow this way or that - depending on the switches saying ON or OFF. My "friend" didn't in the least appear to be embarrassed in his shiny metallic countenance, however his words held a trace of confusion as he posed me the question. 
"Master, is it really the females of your race who keep the life functions active in the males or is this specimen stating something that cannot be classified as 'true'?"